Jettomero: Hero of the Universe is the absolute worse kind of game to write a review for. It isn’t bad, but it does nothing interesting and doesn’t lend itself to any interesting discussion. Jettomero is the gamification of milquetoast radio-rock: not good enough to make you want to sing it’s praises nor bad enough to make fun of how bad the lyrics are. It’s simply there until it isn’t anymore, and by the time you realize you’re playing or listening to something different you have to ask yourself “wasn’t there something else on just a minute ago?” I know that sounds harsh and I really don’t mean it to be, but there’s no way to talk about the game without sounding like I’m just spewing vitriol all over it.

This should be SO MUCH easier than i found it to be. Damn my need to look where i’m typing!

The game starts out charming enough. You play as a clumsy giant robot that wants nothing more than to be a hero to the human race. It’s a cute concept made even cuter with the endearing comic book style visuals, and I am a sucker for cute so this seemed right up my alley. The games story even manages to nudge it’s way into some really interesting territory. The only problem is that by that point I was already burnt out on the incredibly dull game play loop.

You rocket from one planet to the next, looking for body parts and energy until you find a boss. Once you beat the boss you rocket into a wormhole to another set of similar planets and repeat the process. This loop is boring. Not helping matters is the fact that the climax of the games interactions, the boss fights, should have been much easier than they were for me. They’re basically just QTE’s, which I normally don’t have an issue with. Unfortunately though, i’m playing on a PC and don’t exactly type well. I graduated summa cum laude from the School of Hunt and Peck. So I can find the right key but I do have to look for it. This made hard for me to get through the list of commands in the time given. I’ll admit this was a personal issue that I most likely wouldn’t have had if I was using a controller, but it really killed the experience for me.

Like a puppy pissing on the carpet, i can’t say i’m happy with the results, but it is still adorable so i can’t get too mad.

Again, I’m really not trying to come off too negative. Jettomero isn’t uninspired nor is it broken. It’s just kind of…there. I’m sure someone somewhere will be into it, but I found myself completely apathetic throughout my time with the game. If the issues I had don’t sound too tedious or the trailer looks interesting I say go for it. But if you like your games to be….you know, at least a little entertaining, then maybe give Jettomero a pass.

Jettomero: Hero of the Universe was Developed by  Ghost Time Games

Point of sale: Steam, Xbox One

$12.99: if you can’t remember where that last $13 went, check your steam library. You might have have bought Jettomero and forgot about it.

A review code for Jettomero: Hero of the Universe was provided