There are few constants in today’s world. Some people say the only ones are death and taxes. I disagree with some “attraction”, or whatever you choose to call it, is a feeling most can’t evade, unlike taxes. So today, on the wonderful day of love, death, and jokes your grandmother will not let go until she draws her last breath, we are taking a look at the top indie characters who will make you wish to beat it a little bit faster today.
#10 Commander Video
People say many things about experience in the sheets. This man can do good work in the streets too! It’s currently unconfirmed if this commander’s got a sack of joy and new life, but he does look like a freshly stiff and ready bee looking for a little bird of his own. Commander Video is the perfect size and shape for his actions in both the public and private lifestyles. Commander Video is typically known for his speed, not a reputation you’d want while snuggling a bit closer than most. The thing is, he’s a long distance runner, he has built up an almost infinite amount of stamina. He’s a pretty good family man himself. A real guy you can depend on, and who doesn’t want someone like that?
Tippsie has many traits and attributes people would love in a partner. He always knows where to go, has a smart mouth, and knows how to lighten the mood. If you were lost on a random island collecting pieces of your broken raft, he’s the perfect guy to have by your side. He’s certainly small, but he packs a big punch according to the anonymous sources that have gotten closer than close to this furry fellow. That can be a “issue” for some, but love is a powerful tool that can conquer anything.
#8 Shield Knight
Shield Knight on the surface looks like a rather bad bed partner. This one’s got a lot of tricks up her sleeve though. One of the smartest people in the land, when possessed she once organized a successful country take-over. That takes more than brawn to do. She’s a very powerful opponent, matching and defeating even the world class heroes Shovel Knight, Black Knight, and Polar Knight in combat. If that’s not overwhelmingly powerful I don’t know what is. Shield Knight is the direct partner to Shovel Knight, proving that being a good person beats having a good body.
Sans is a bonafide cool dude with a love for ketchup. While he’s known for giving you a bad time, the same cannot be said when he’s alone with you in private. Of course, he’s always got a bone for you to rub, but he’s never a proper love-maker. He’s great with kids, loves his brother, and is a sansational comedian. The best part about Sans is his varying size, he can pick any bone depending on your tastes. I’m sure some ladies will appreciate some spice now and then.
Claire may not have the curves people look for, but she does have some fine edges to her. A personality driven digital cube is the best type of cube. That’s Claire’s biggest downside, she is a flat cube through and through. Claire spent her adventure wishing to save her friends from being destroyed in deadly water. Potential partners who frequent the beach should take note of her excellent swimming capability. The only setback is even in the context of her world, being a digital creation. Not like it’s stopped you before from [CENSORED BY EDITOR].
Quote is a robot, but one with free will. Quote has saved lives, taken lives, and won many hearts over the years. He kicked off what we know today as the “indie scene”. Without Quote, this list would be impossible. That makes him sexy enough for this list already. Quote’s build quality is up to snuff with other top of the line androids of his era. He can’t take the most hits, of course, but who can?
#4 The Barbarian
This one has a body anyone can appreciate. The Barbarian does what he wants, and has gotten around quite a bit in the past. The common consensus is that the cavemen were dumber than rocks. In this scenario, the common consensus is correct. He may not be smart, but his acrobatics are insanely perfected. His typical thought process is punching straight through whatever is in his way. There are many who appreciate the stubborn!
Zetterburn is a warrior with a heart of gold. He’s not only a national leader, but a respected one. His mane, whilst eternally on fire, is also an eternal light source. There are many potential ups and downs with Zetterburn in a relationship. His well built figure can be a positive for some, while fur and claws a major downside. He, himself, has stood up and fought well on the field of battle against many worthy opponents and many stronger than him. Zetterburn always seems to come out on top, especially when he isn’t in the streets.
#2 Shovel Knight
Shovel Knight is a world-class hero and has the spirit of a warrior. He is also romantically involved with another list-maker and hero, Shield Knight. Shovel Knight saved the world from her possessed form, a being much more powerful than he was. He also took down every knight in the Order of No Quarter which was comprised of the best warriors Specter Knight could find in the land. He even beat them all in a rematch where they were boosted by the Enchantress and her overflowing power. Shovel Knight is dependable and not afraid to speak his mind in any given scenario. Truly a role-model and one worthy of being called a “hero”. The man also managed to sign a deal with Nintendo to become and Assist Trophy in Super Smash Bros. He gets to fight alongside industry heroes such as Super Mario and other partners of your dreams like Joker and Bayonetta. Shovel Knight by himself is good enough that he won’t need to spend no quarter on getting it.
Not everyone could be on this list. Which is why we’re giving a large shout-out to the ones who just missed the cut. If you feel these sexy seducers should’ve made it to the list, send me angry messages on social media.
Shantae is a kind person with a body to make men drool. She would make an amazing partner from every angle to the lucky one who wins her affection and undying love. She was immediately disqualified on the grounds of being a 15 year old. So we decided to shout her out here. If you would’ve put her on the list anyway, the FBI probably has you on a list.
This bodacious bovine is everything everyone wants in a partner. They’re comforting, smart, brilliant, not afraid to speak their mind, and best of all enjoys a good milkin’. Unfortunately, Cow decided to not sign the contract stating we could put them on this list, which is why we put Tippsie on here. This beast of a partner is one I would take in a heartbeat, unfortunately they have eyes for someone else. The funnest of facts for this beefy hottie is they were born with both horns and an udder. Officially, Cow has no gender.
Waluigi is the sexiest being alive. Women faint in the sight of him and men are immediately overpower by his godlike size of 7 that’s in both versions of feet. He was denied a spot on the Super Smash Bros Ultimate roster, and instead signed up as an Assist Trophy. Be real here, who’s more powerful Waluigi or King K. Rool? Thought so. Unfortunately, Waluigi is owned by Nintendo and is therefore not indie. Our team is currently dealing with the legal cases surrounding us “discriminating” against Waluigi for this list. Trust me, if he qualified, he would finally be number one.
#1 Meat Boy
Men are very strange creatures, but this one put a new meaning on beating the meat. He’s got many things desirable in a life-long partner. He’s well built, well meaning, and has a great attitude towards life. He once intended to settle down from the way of adventure with his wife, Bandage Girl, but life had other plans for the now Meat Family, including their newborn son, Nugget. The real odd thing about him is how he can revive himself after death. The man has traveled through hell itself to rescue his love. He probably enjoyed all the beatings he took. I can concur that plainly and simply, Meat Boy is the sexiest meat chunk alive.