The Land of Dasthir is an RPG Maker RPG game; I’m always kinda iffy on these games. Graphically, they’re not particularly to good look at, and many of them are really basic to kinda shit games. Not all of them are basic but most are, and this is in that ‘most’ category.

IGC’s father told her to get people to play something in their backlog that they didn’t remember buying or some shit like that, and I decided I’d show the old fart up and do exactly that to rub it in his face. And I fucking did it, I… just kinda wish I hadn’t done it with this specific game. I just picked a game that I didn’t recognize the name of and went with it. So… this is my… adventure, I guess.

The Land of Dasthir… The Land of Dasthir… ummmmm… okay, lets fucking start here. It has eighty-two reviews in total, over fifty of them tell the game to fuck off and that no one should touch it with a ten-foot fucking pole. This is the first time I’ve ever mentioned user reviews for a game. I’ll let you figure out why.

You play as Terret, just some guy. You get a letter from your village requesting you to come back from knight training or some shit to come deal with monsters that have suddenly invaded their land. Cool, same old, same old; I can deal with this. Well, legends tell of an evil asshole who was slain by some good guy, but the evil twat said as he died, at least I’ll paraphrase “I’ll be back in one hundred years to fuck everything up again”, and well, it seems like maybe this is year one hundred, who fucking knows, these people don’t keep records for shit.

1.jpgSo, you, a knight in training, are handed two daggers to be your weapons by the chief of the… wait what? I’m training to be a fucking knight, where the fuck does that kind of training happen, where you’re not trained to use a goddamn weapon? I get a letter saying HEY HELP US, COME KILL DEMONS, and I DON’T fucking go there with a goddamn weapon? Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck you Terret, you’re a dumbass. Anyways, these are your weapons from now on, you don’t upgrade them, you don’t buy new ones. These are your parents, your lovers, your friends; these are your daggers. I wouldn’t suggest them as lovers… that sounds pretty fucking painful and might give you a small case of bleed to death, but hey, that’s up to you. So in this case, maybe love them good, long, hard time, and before you ask, I’m Asian so I can make that joke, it’s okay.

The story at that point is fairly moot, it’s go collect item A to get to location B to collect item B to get to location C. Just a straight-forward kill things and move on story line. The fights are, as usual, random spawn fights out of the middle of nowhere. This isn’t an issue in and of itself, however, the fact that the enemies hit really hard from the start really sucks. I had one enemy, after I upgraded my armor to the strongest one available even, take out HALF my fucking health. He wasn’t a boss, he was just some fuck-nugget normal enemy. You level up though, which gives you more stats, but it takes forever. The enemies that can nearly kill you every few hits only give you one to five experience points and you need over one hundred to level up. With each level up it just keeps getting worse and fucking worse and oh my fucking god, just kill me and eat my corpse already please for the love of god end this fucking misery.

I got to a point where I entered a dungeon and the game auto-saved, cause of course it fucking did, and I went to exit after the first fight rammed a horse cock up my ass with no lube. I needed a good long soak and lay down after that, but when I went the few steps back that I had gone into the dungeon… it didn’t lead me out of the dungeon, it just brought me to another room. That’s not how physics work goddamnit. If I enter a fucking house through a door, take two fucking steps then turn around, open that same fucking door, and leave; I should be out of the fucking house, not in some other goddamn place. Just no fuck this game and no. And now I’m stuck here, nearly dead, with no way out, so that’s where my journey ended.

2.jpgIt doesn’t help that some of the things the game tells you to do, involves items that seem to be broken, and items that you’re supposed to find just don’t seem to exist in the first fucking place. This… this is just a fucking mess. And if I could, I’d cheat the fuck out of this game to give myself some benefit to make this an enjoyable experience, but I can’t because it’s a broken buggy mess. It’s one thing if this was broken and being worked on, but this game is from 2017 and the devs have never once said anything in the discussions to anyone at all about anything. And that’s the sad thing; the devs could have made this a better game if they had wanted to take the time to do it. I mean for fucks sake there are people who quit the game because they can’t figure out how to get into their goddamn inventory to equip the weapons, which should just auto-equip since you can’t fucking replace them. This is all because there is no tutorial for the game. Hell I had to close the game in the task manager because I couldn’t figure out how to fucking close the game properly. It’s… it’s aggravating and annoying, which leads to you getting a little pissy about it cause it’s just a poorly designed game. I feel like it’s bad not just cause it’s simply not very good, but also because I feel like the devs put it out and then just left with not a fuck to give. I feel like they put it out then washed their hands of the game, and walked away, like a father walking out on his wife and kids while going get some smokes from the store.

This is overall just sad, while this was never going to be a super amazing game, it could have been much better than it actively is. And that’s really all I have for it, it’s not the worst game when you actually play it but it’s cheap as shit and, over time, will start to annoy you. Also, it’s broken and was left in that state without seemingly any plans to do any repair to it.


header.jpgThe Land of Dasthir was developed by: RPG Video

Point of Sale: Steam

$1: I can’t even come up with something funny for this, just spend your money on ANYTHING else.

A copy was I believe won by the reviewer during a random game giveaway or something over a year ago maybe… no fucking clue.

darkmikasonfire has awarded The Land of Dasthir a big fat “Go fuck yourself” and only that.